Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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