i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
