Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
