You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
