You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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