We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
