"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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