The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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