You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
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