i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize