my sisters under your porch take her home
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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