Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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