i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
