ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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