I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
My balls are so social today.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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