i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
