She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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