I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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