last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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