well I can't set my house on fire every night
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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