I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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