tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
