sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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