What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
