she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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