Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Randomize