I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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