It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I have aggressive nipples.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
