there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
