Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
