I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
