i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
