sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
