Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
