He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
