Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
