Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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