Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
