My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
