Jerry, you need to find god
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
