did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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