Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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