I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
