i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
