omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
I know her cup size but not her name....
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