I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
3pm strippers are depressing
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
