Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
