hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
