just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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