Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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