I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Randomize
