Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
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