I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
you would pick up someone in the library
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
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