And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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