Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
