Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Randomize