Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
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