When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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