Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
