New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
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