if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
