some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
