dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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