I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
