On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
