My room smells like vodka and shame
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize